The Importance Of "Soulmate" By Natasha Bedingfield

"Who doesn't long for someone to hold? Who knows how to love you without being told. Somebody tell me why I'm on my own, if there's a soulmate for everyone."


These words are very important to me. Not in what they mean, but in how the song that they are in first was presented to me. Because of this song I am that much closer to ruling out the idea of coincidence indefinitely. If you bear with me. This requires a story. A story from the Leather Journal. The Leather Journal is my journal, given to me by my sister, to record events and situations that affect my feelings.

The story begins at a bonfire during October at a park in Swift Falls, Minnesota. At this time I have been having fun telling random people that ask my name, a fake one. I would tell them my name was Jackson. Why? I have no idea. I just would. That's when I told Her. She was just some random girl at a bonfire. I would find her later and correct her just because I don't really like lying to people; unfortunately... I didn't really know who She was that I told...

After the bonfire party, I tell my friend, Emily, from Benson-- Swift Falls being near Benson-- that there is a girl who doesn't know my real name. I ask her to keep a look out for this girl and that if she find her to tell me. Little did I know that it wouldn't be long before we met again.

Another friend from Benson invited me to a Christmas party to be held, of course, in December. When I arrived, Emily introduced me to Amanda, the girl. She had been asking about Jackson. So she remembered me, technically. Coincidence? The girl I deceived was part of my close friends' close friends? And she remembered me even though we barely spent time together at the bonfire. Coincidence or not, it was love at first sight, or what I believe is love. Yet, I was too shy.

In the time between then and the next time I would see Her, I did everything in my power to learn more about Her. I found Her on facebook and I listened when people talked about Her. Then, those of us from Belgrade who were friends of those in Benson were invited to their Snow Dayz Dance in late December. Naturally, we attended. Us being the three man crew, Ethan, Will, and I. Ethan was dating Emily and Emily, Allison, and Amanda wanted to get clothes for the dance. Ethan planned to meet Emily in Willmar at the mall and he was my ride to Benson also. So it was either have him waste gas and time to have to come back to Belgrade to pick me up or go with him. In my mind that choice was either spend extra time with Her, or don't spend extra time with Her. I chose spend time with Her.

I had been plagued in the past by letting "the girl" get away, but I didn't want that to happen this time. It wasn't long before I had Her number. I called Her. I asked Her out. As we had only met four months previous and had spent a total of less than twenty-four hours anywhere near each other, She declined. I was bummed, yeah, but I could deal. Just needed to get to know me right? We started texting. Alot. She invited me to two things; 1) Her Prairie Winds Concert in March and 2) Her Birthday Party just before the New Year. I'm still pissed that I got the flu the day of Her party. Iwas very disappointed.

Later, I invited Her to Step Up 2 in February. She obliged. Not like it was a date or anything, just two friends going to a movie. The ending dance scene was epic and I gained appreciation for the song Low.

When March came around I made my way to her concert. Almost got lost, but I found the concert hall after only missing the first song. Phew. It was fun watching the Prairie Winds Band. After the concert I gave Her a Step Up 2 poster and lent her some books. It was funny; I had to chase down Allison's car because the poster was a surprise gift and She hadn't been forewarned. After that, I went back to my vehicle and prepared to leave. When I started the engine, the song Low came on seconds later. Coincidence? I take Her to a movie that we both love that just so happens to have that song in it, and then, soon after I see Her again that song is the first one I hear. I begin to lose faith in coincidence.

The next few parts speed by.

I asked Her to prom, but She already had a date. In fact, this date was also Her new boyfriend. I found out at Youth Group in Benson who it was. Tyler, who was also at the Christmas party. At the party I had envied his personality. There was no way I could compete with him. When they showed up together at Youth Group the first person She went to hug was me. But there was something in Her eyes. Those subconcious nonvrbal communications that people have. I can read them well when I want to. What I saw in Her eyes was an apology. Though She had done nothing wrong, subconciously She understood how I must have felt and She felt sorry for me.

Ever since then it has been the same. She is always excited to see me. I am always excited to see her. Like we are the bestest of best friends. I like to think we are because I doubt that it will ever be more than that. Recently I've seen that Her eyes have stopped being sorry. I'm glad for that too. Pity is horrible. She also has a new boyfriend. I can only hope that this one doesn't last and that eventually, I will be the one she chooses and the first she holds on to.

Finally, I was on facebook and I recieved an iLike dedication from Her. The song dedication, though she probably sent it to more people than just me, was Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfield. Coincidence? The girl I am fawning over, who has a boyfriend, and who has overlooked me twice, sends me a tear jerking, song about feelings and soulmates. I have lost all faith in coincidence. It has been a year and a half since I first met Her and I now believe there can be no such thing as coincidence.

FCBD! Lou Ferrigno Drops Out Of College! (/Joking)

OW! My arms are killing me! I got sunburn today riding my bike to comic book stores for Free Comic Book Day! Speaking of FCBD, I got 12 free comics! Fun, fun. I also met Lou Ferrigno, the guy that played the Hulk in the old television series! The guy is huge! I honestly don't have much to say about FCBD other than what I already have, so... that's enough about that.

Yesterday I went to see Wolverine Origins. I thought it was pretty cool. I'm a fanboy, so it wasn't amazing but unlike a lot of hardcores I actually look at it as a movie. Pisses me of when I hear people say a comic book movie sucked or was done wrong. If that is the truth, then Marvel's Ultimate comics and their Marvel: 1602 are wrong and screwed up also. But they're not. They are just different universes where things happen differently. If you can't understand that then you can't call yourself a fanboy or a comic book nerd.

I have made the dicision to not go back to the TCC next year. 1) It's not working for me, 2) We can't really pay for it anymore, 3) It's not helping me with my art the way I thought it would.

I'm not getting motivated enough to want to do my projects. My grades have sunk. My dad got laid off so he has to find a new job. I've learned a few things that have improved my art a little, but I haven't learned how to draw better.

My legs are killing me. I need to wake up early to find a ride to a place tomorrow. I'm tired. My head hurts. I'm gonna go to bed.

G'night, DFTBA. Cya.